#that's how i felt down the weird pipeline

[tirfpikachu]

random lay fun fact of the day #861

i was in an online cult that legit could've been a gr8 hannibal sequel

spoiler alert: i ate raw liver

[runa-falls]

cocktails

gif from @pirateherokillian

pairing: jake lockley x shy!reader

summary: you finally gain enough courage to make a move on your best friend

cw: explicit (18+), dub-con (reader is tipsy), afab!reader, dry humping to piv pipeline, fingering, multiple orgasms, longing/pining losers, love (?), push-over!jake, needy!reader, 'just the tip' is never just the tip, alcohol consumption, pet names, daddy kink, creampie, fluff :3 -- not beta-read

wc: 5.1k

a/n: pls, it was never supposed to be this long. i'm sorry for taking FOREVER to write this. anyways, this is based off my blabbering in discord -- i dedicate this to my whores (affectionate) <3

mk masterlist | main masterlist

----

You don’t drink. 

At least not in front of Jake. 

Alcohol makes you…indulgent, to say the least, and that’s a side you’ve been holding back from your best friend. 

Yes, you’ve had a drink or two at some group hangouts in the past, but this, you, Jake, and a few bottles of gifted wine, surprisingly has never happened in the past. You’ve made sure of it.

What almost makes it worse is that Jake’s always been a sweetheart about your choices to avoid drinking around him. After your first few bouts of excuses and timid declines, he doesn’t pressure you to keep up with him when he’s knocking back shots or drinking pitchers of beer. 

Whenever your other friends press another drink into your hand, he subtly takes it for you, drinking it in large gulps before returning the glass from your hand. And when he pulls away, his fingers always find a way to graze against yours. Thankfully the bars are usually dimly lit so he can’t see the blush heating at your cheeks. 

He doesn’t realize it’s because of him. He’s the reason bartenders give you weird looks when you ask for watered-down vodka cranberries or why you’re always the last one standing in your friend group whenever you go out. This restraint around alcohol has gone on for years all because you harbor an intense attraction for your best friend. 

It didn’t start that way. He crashed into your quiet life and obliterated the dynamics of your friend group. When you first met him, you thought his cocky and blasé attitude was overcompensating for something.

He’s always been a natural sweet talker, not afraid to approach people and get what he wants, but it seemed too good to be true. He’s too charismatic, too interested in the dull life you live, how did he dig out a hole and place himself so easily in your life?

Easily, too easily, you fell for his sweet words, words that would inevitably draw you into his orbit and leave you hanging off of every syllable. 

You learned that no matter what he says, or does, he’s just being friendly. He’s just like that with everyone. It means nothing when he gives you a cheeky grin from across the bar or when he consistently insists on walking you home at night. Sure, he might stick closer to your side than anyone else's, but it’s just because you’re best friends. Right?

Of course, girls have tried and failed to lock down your best friend, misinterpreting his outgoing personality as him propositioning them. And they always come to you – whining over his lack of interest, the sudden and unexpected rejection of their advances, and grappling for any advice from his girl best friend. 

“He’s single, isn’t he?” The words are said over the thin rim of a martini glass. She glances over at you with hopeful eyes framed by beautifully dark lashes. 

You barely knew the girl’s name, but she offered to buy you a drink (a shirley temple) so you stayed for the conversation, however, you weren’t expecting the topic to circle back to Jake. But after watching her down a couple of martinis, gushing more and more about the man you’ve been pining after for an eon, you felt too bad to leave her. 

“Um…as far as I know.” It’s a little uncomfortable, talking about Jake like you’re his keeper.

“Then – then why won’t he go out – or even hook up with me?” Her voice has gotten louder with the exasperation of her inquiries. You look around at the bar, hoping she can keep it together before you’re kicked out for causing a ruckus. 

“Look, I don’t know if I’m the best –”

“But you’re his best friend, right?”

“Yes, but –”

“What’s his type?”

His type?

God, you wish you knew. It would make things a lot easier for yourself (and the world). But you genuinely don’t know. You’ve never seen him with a girl. Sure, he could be hooking up on the side, but why would he tell you?

You look down at your glass. All that’s left is ice, melting into an amalgam of pink-tinted liquid around the one maraschino cherry you refuse to eat. 

“I don’t know.” You mumble.

—

You’re already through a bottle and a half, lounging comfortably on the overstuffed couch in your living room. Something is playing on the TV but it’s all a blur behind the feeling of his thigh pressing against yours. 

Jake has never been afraid of showing his affection through physical means, whether it’s greeting ladies with a friendly peck on the cheek or ruffling one of the guy’s hair when he goes by. It’s natural to him. Casual.

But with you, he’s mostly hands-off. 

It’s not that you deign to feel his touch, to feel the scratchiness of his whiskers rub against the edge of your hairline, or lower against the sensitive skin of your throat, you just can’t control your reactions when he does it. Even the light touch of his hand against your lower back when he guides you has you standing straighter. 

He noticed your strong reactions to him and backed off, assuming you were uncomfortable or unused to friendly touches. And it was fine until you would do anything to feel him against you again, just one more time. It’s desperate, really, but you don’t really care when he looks at you with those cocoa-butter eyes. 

And now, he’s closer than ever but still hands-off. He politely sits next to you, one arm slung over the back of the couch and the other in his lap. But not touching you. 

He’s been making commentary about the dumb hallmark movie you impulsively rented, pointing out all the unrealistic plot conveniences and bright red flags that the main character blatantly ignores. He seems relaxed. 

You aren’t.

Two stained wine glasses sit on the coffee table, dangerously close to the edge, still holding a sip of liquid. You can barely make out the intricate print of his lips on the edge of the cup, highlighted by the brightness of the hallmark snow scene. 

You want so badly to steal the glass away and lick up the residual bitter-sweetness of the wine that’s touched his lips. To taste him, even indirectly. Or directly. Lick the sweetness straight from the source, tongue intermingling with him as he takes just as much from you. You feel yourself pulse from that image alone.

“Bunny?” Heat prickles against the back of your neck as you realize how far away your brain is, thinking such filthy and depraved thoughts of the man who is sitting right next to you. 

He dotes on you like a person would their favorite pet cat. He calls you pet names, ones that make you bite your tongue and hide your face in your hands. Bunny was the first one and the one he uses the most. 

It came out of nowhere, really. You were both at a small house party and Jake convinced you to join his team in a game of beer pong. You were still a bit nervous around him, still surprised when he’d seek you out for a conversation or to get your opinion on something entirely irrelevant. 

You told him upfront that your hand-eye coordination leaves much to be desired, but he was determined to teach you. The first few throws were pitiful, so pitiful, in fact, that the other team gave you a freebie to make up for it. 

“Here, lemme give you a hand.” You couldn’t even react before he was sidled behind you, his chest nearly flush against your shoulder as his hand wrapped around your wrist. Your body is frozen, soaking in the overwhelming closeness.

You can barely decipher the individual cups of beer with his voice low behind your ear as he directs you, “Keep it right….there” He lets go of your arm and you already miss his touch, “and put a little more power into your throw.” 

He steps back, giving you space to take a breath and refocus. 

You throw it, more mechanical than you would’ve liked, but it – miraculously – goes in. 

Immediately you turn around to get his reaction, the praise that you secretly crave from a man you barely know. 

He grins down at you, “You’re a natural, bunny.” 

And the nickname stuck.

You look over at him, lazily blinking up to meet his fond gaze, “Hm?” You feel all fuzzy inside, overexcited yet pinned down by the unexplainable need to stay close to him. 

He smirks down at you, arm subtly lowering to barely touch the back of your head, “What’cha thinkin’ about, sweetheart?” You try to lean into the feeling of his arm, hoping that if you ease into it, he won’t notice. “You had this… faraway look in your eyes for a moment.”

Oh, he noticed. But there’s no way he knows what you were thinking, right? A flash of embarrassment stings hot in your cheeks. You don’t think when you shyly nuzzle your face into his bicep to avoid his curious eyes, “I think I just zoned out or something.”

He hums, “You tired?” You turn your face to look at him, cheek resting against him. God, he smells so good. You never want to move from this spot. “Want me to tuck you in?” His voice coos teasingly, but you soak in the sweetness of it. He can be so soft sometimes.

Scrambled words echo in your mind: But if you go to bed, you’ll leave. You’ll take your arm out from under me and leave me here to think about you, all alone. Why can’t you just – Your thoughts quickly dissipate when he pulls you closer to him, hand at your waist to press your body against his.

Your hand presses delicately against his chest in surprise and you can barely feel the soft thrum of his heartbeat underneath the firmness of his muscles.

You softly shake your head, “Not tired.”

“Sure, baby.” 

Baby. 

That’s new. 

Your thighs involuntarily press together with how good it sounds coming from his lips. Directed at you. Somehow, even with all the pet names he’s given you throughout the span of your friendship, this one hits home.

He says it with the casualness of a boyfriend and tenderness of a lover. You can almost feel him panting it against the crook of your neck as he pushes inside of you, hand clutching yours as his hips roll perfectly against yours. 

You don’t even realize your legs are rubbing together like a cricket at dusk until a warm hand wraps around the top of your thigh. He pulls them apart, spreading your legs like you’ve always dreamed he would. Despite the suggestive position, you still whine at the loss of friction, thoughtlessly fighting against the insisting tug of his hand.

He hushes you gently, a soft tone barely easing your frustration. You latch your fingers onto his wrist, attempting to guide him to the spot that you really need him to touch, but he barely budges. His grip on your thigh tightens when his name drips brokenly from your lips. 

“J-Jake…” 

“Sweetheart, stop.”

“But –”

“Please.” Jake looks down at you with a pained expression, all past chivalry betrayed by the darkness pooled in his eyes.

You look up at him with misty eyes and flushed skin, innocence in the palm of his hand. “I need you.” You bite your lip at your admission, stained red from the wine, and he can’t take his eyes off of you. You pull at him again and this time he lets you. Both of you look down as his hand cups you over your shorts.

“You’re too drunk right now.” The whispered attempt of resistance falls on deaf ears as you arch your hips into his touch. Neither of you notice that the movie ended, leaving you in a silence where only the exchange of breathless pants can be heard. 

“Touch me.” You whine, desperate for anything. Desperate just to be accepted by him.

His gaze briefly flicks up from where he’s touching to regard your eagerness with half-lidded eyes. He shakes his head and looks away like he’s looking for answers on the blank wall next to him. “I…shouldn’t.” 

You start to panic when you feel his hand pull away. It can’t end like this. You hold onto his wrist when a particularly needy idea pops into your mind. If he doesn’t want to ‘defile’ you, then fine. You’ll do it yourself.

“I…c-could i just rub myself against you?” You berate yourself for sounding so meek, so unsure, but you’ve never done anything like this before, never had to take control of the situation. “Like, if you don’t want to…um, touch me.” He looks at you wordlessly, gorgeous lips parted at your suggestion.

His tongue brushes over his bottom lip, “I– Okay, sure…” 

With his permission, you push up against the couch to get up and straddle over him. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting it with how his hands barely hover over your body like he’s unsure whether he wants to pull you closer or shove you off his lap. “Is this okay?” 

“Yeah.” He sounds strained, “But just for a little bit, alright?” 

“Ok.” You promise though you’re sure that once you get a taste, you’ll never want to stop. You have to make this good for him so he’ll want you back.

You settle against him, body thrumming with anticipation when your clothed cunt meets the prominent hardness under his jeans. So he does want it. His hands clasp onto your waist when you start to move over him, hips experimentally rolling against his.

Jake watches you move over him with a look of deep hunger and awe. It’s endearing how shy you are, even now grinding on his lap. Your movements are clumsy – unpracticed as you desperately try to chase that spark that’ll satisfy the heat buried deep down inside of you. 

“That good, baby?” 

You nod, mewling quietly as the seam of his jeans drags perfectly against your clit. Pleasure pools in your stomach, nudging you closer and closer to the edge. You hold onto his shoulders as you work yourself over him, panting from your effort. He starts to cant his hips upwards to meet your thrusts, pressing his erection roughly against your core to show you just how much he wants you. 

All you can think of is how good it would feel to have him bare against you, skin to skin. When you meet your peak, body hot and trembling as you rub against him, the end never comes. It’s not enough. You’re just left teetering at the top with no drop in sight.

You huff, “Jake, can I – just…please.” You let your hands drop from his shoulders to start working on his belt.

“What is it bunny, what do you need?” He looks so good under you with his wrinkled shirt unbuttoned just so to give you a peak of his collarbone and the newly open belt hanging from the loops in his tight jeans. You undo the button, fingers briefly fumbling as your knuckle brushes against his bulge.

“Just need to feel you.” You paw at the waist of his pants, trying to subtly indicate that you need his help to take them off. But he sits there and smiles sweetly at your frustrated huffs. 

“And what about me?” He says in a teasing drawl. He drags you closer to him and cups your face until your lips nearly meet yours. He’s so close that you can make out the light dusting of freckles that grace his nose and cheeks. Amber eyes bore into yours as he whispers, “You’re using my body and haven’t even given me a kiss yet.”

“Oh.” Your gaze drops to his lips, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, baby.” He leans in, “just kiss me.” Your eyes flutter close when you meet the softness of his lips. You immediately melt into the gentle caress of his hand on your jaw with a sigh as he desperately keeps you close. 

Jake groans, drinking in the sweetness of your lips, a taste of pure heaven melting on the tip of his tongue, before hungrily deepening the kiss. He licks against the seam of your mouth, begging you to open yourself up to him. You surrender yourself to him, letting him slide in and taste you from the inside out. 

Your hands move up from his shoulders to his soft curls, tugging eagerly in an attempt to hear the soft groan that rumbles in his chest. He nips at your bottom lip, suckling it until it’s pink and tender, wanting to leave a mark so you’ll always think of him. He can’t help but press against you when you whimper for him, grinding eagerly against your center, wishing he was inside of you instead.  

“Just the tip.” You mumble it against his lips. He’s too far gone to clearly hear what you said, lost in a thick fog of awe, lust, and…love. At his silence, you pull away to look at him, scared you’re asking for too much. “Jake.” He nods thoughtlessly, chasing your lips, already missing your taste. He almost whines when you pull away from his touch, but quickly comes back to reality when he sees the way you’re nervously looking at him. 

He squeezes your waist comfortingly, “Anything you want, bunny.” You smile at the pet name and gratefully peck his lips. He tries to deepen the kiss, hand already pressing against the back of your head, but you cheekily pull away before he gets too far. You stand up, ignoring his objections and clingy touches as you get off of his lap. 

You fluidly slip your shirt over your head before carelessly dropping it to the floor behind you. There’s fire in his eyes as he sits back on the couch and watches you reveal the cute bra that cups you so perfectly. You tease the edge of your waistband as you look down at him, “Off, please.” You gesture at his jeans. He follows your directions, quickly shimmying his pants off, eyes on you the whole time.

You follow him, tugging your shorts off to show him the matching panties. You squeak when warm hands abruptly pull you to the couch, eagerly wandering over your waist and hips as he buries his face against your neck. 

“Can’t help it, baby,” His touch drifts up to cup the underside of your tits, trailing carefully over the curve to memorize the shape of you. “You’re just so fucking pretty.” He groans hot and heavy against your neck as he squeezes your softness. 

You’re back on top of him, naked thighs draped over his, skin against skin, and now, you can feel all of him. He’s pressed so deliciously against your core, pulsing with pure desire and heat. The only thing separating the two of you is fading self-control and a pair of thin panties.

His mustache tickles against your throat as his lips drift over your pulse point. He presses heady kisses against the edge of your jaw, gauging where your most tender spots are. 

“Oh–!” Your thighs clench around him when he touches a particularly delicate area near your ear. He gently nips at the spot, holding you tighter when you moan at the feeling.

Jake lets out a broken groan when you reach between your bodies and take him into your hand. He tries to continue giving your body loving attention with his lips, but his kisses get messy, dragging lazily over your shoulder and collarbone, with how distracted he is by your touch. He has to pull away for a breather and hold himself back from thrusting into your fist when you squeeze him teasingly at the base. 

“Bunny…” You both look down and watch as your smaller hand slowly strokes him. His cock is flush with need, leaking so prettily as you try your hardest to make it good for him. You slip your other hand under his shirt, running your fingers against his coarse happy trail to his rippling muscles. The couch groans next to you as he harshly grips the arm, barely holding himself back with white knuckles. “Oh, f-fuck.” His body stiffens under you as you brush your thumb against the sensitive underside of the tip. 

You tenderly massage the spot, watching in awe as he continues to spill over your fingers, making a mess that drips onto your inner thighs and the edge of his shirt. He groans at the sight, his cock throbbing desperately in your hold.

As beads of white paint your fingers, your mouth waters just thinking about how he tastes. You feel ravenous to see him cum, to watch how easily you can ruin him. “H-hold on, cariño. Give me a second.” Jake chokes out. His hips stutter under you before he pulls your hand away.

"Whyy." You whine, pouting up at him with starry eyes. You reach for him again with the hand he isn’t holding onto, brushing your fingers against his sensitive cock. He shudders for you with a broken groan. 

“I'm close-- just – stop for a moment –” Both hands are pinned to your side as Jake’s chest heaves under his shirt. He rests his head back against the couch, eyes closed as he struggles to hold himself back. 

“But…I want you to.”

“I know, baby,” He lifts his head, dark eyes boring into yours, and pulls your hands behind you. You squirm in his lap, back arching at the position, suddenly remembering your own desperation. It feels good to be bound by his hands, to let him do whatever he wants to your body. “But I don’t wanna finish if it isn’t in you.” 

Your face heats in embarrassment. “Oh.” 

Jake picks up on your sudden shyness immediately. 

“You like that, don’t you, bunny?” He smirks, “The thought of me filling you up, then dripping out of you?”

You bite your lip, “A little bit.”

“A little, hm?” He ponders, “Well why don’t we try it out and see.” Your thighs clench around him at the idea.

“Ok.”

“Sit up, let me see how wet you are.” He helps you raise yourself on your knees so you’re hovering over his lap. Letting go of your wrists, he drags his thumb against your clothed cunt; The fabric has a darkened splotch along your opening, teasing him with evidence of your lust. “Aw, sweetheart, you’re soaked…” He nudges your panties to the side, slipping his fingers against your wet opening. “Gonna ruin these pretty little panties, hm?” You nod wordlessly, hips desperately pushing against his touch.

He gently slides against your dripping entrance, making a mess of your cunt with teasing circling motions. Wet, decadent sounds fill the limited space between you as his fingers prod ever so slightly against the spot where you need him most.  A helpless sound is pushed out of you when he finally eases two fingers inside of you.

“Is that good, bunny?” He coos as he slowly fucks his fingers into you. It’s only his fingers, but he’s already filling you up so deliciously. His dark eyes are hungrily locked on how he fills you up over and over again, slick dripping down his knuckles and over his palm. “Hm?” 

You nod again, brain foggy with pleasure. “Yes, J–” You can barely get a word out when he curls his fingers up, pressing so sweetly and deep against the sensitive walls of your cunt. You have to stop yourself from wrapping your legs around his wrist, it feels so good. “Uh–!” You almost fall over and have to hold onto his shoulders for support as he begins to speed up. 

“That’s it, baby…” Your grip on his shoulders tightens as he rapidly presses against your g-spot. You’re already hurdling towards the edge and he can feel it with how you start to clench around his fingers. “Make a mess of my hand..” Within a handful of thrusts, you’re gasping out with pleasure, your thighs shaking over him. He takes his hand away and holds you against him to keep you sitting upright as your body is overtaken with euphoria. You pant against his shoulder, trying to gather your senses. 

You can feel him under you, hard and wanting, throbbing as you whimper and arch against him, letting the pleasure work through your body. Even when you’re barely coming down from an orgasm, you’re still longing to be filled with something more. But he ignores his own needs, instead focusing on you, softly pecking the top of your head and rubbing comforting circles against your arms. 

You lift your head from his chest to look at him, taking in his flushed cheeks and dark eyes. Jake stares right back, unabashedly, in awe. “You’re so good to me, bunny.” You shiver at the praise. At the comfort. You shyly divert your eyes to stare at the marks you’ve left on his shoulders. 

“Only for you, Jake.” You don’t see it, but his lips lift into a small smile at your words. 

His hands drift down from your arms to hold you by the waist. “Only for me.” He echos, solidifying the statement. 

You gasp when he suddenly presses you down against his cock. Looking back up at him, he meets your wide eyes with a mischievous grin, hips rolling teasingly against yours. “And I’m all yours.” You position yourself over him all while keeping eye contact, wanting to drink in every microexpression on his face. 

“Yes.” You both sigh as he barely brushes against your wet opening. He takes a deep breath, clutching your hips as you begin your descent.

Your body slowly manages to swallow the first inch of him. And – oh – it’s so much better than you expected. He stretches you so fully, even barely inside of you, filling you exactly how you need him to. 

You let out a strained whimper from the back of your throat as you slowly lower yourself onto his lap. You whine as your body desperately clenches and stretches to accommodate him inside of you. His hold on your hips tightens as your thighs meet his, now fully impaled by his hard cock.  

“I thought it was ‘just the tip’.” Jake tries to tease, his deep voice gravelly with lust, but it comes out as more of a groan than a taunt.

You slowly shake your head, body trembling as you get used to the feeling of him inside of you. 

“You said you’re all mine, daddy.” The words practically melt from your lips, lethargic with heat. It catches him off guard. You moan, hips slowly moving over him to feel him deeper inside. “M-mine,” You repeat with a pant, so lost in desperation that you don’t even notice the way he’s looking at you, frozen in place. 

“I-I did say that, didn’t I?” He doesn’t know what else to say, brain overheating from your ministrations. You’ve never called him a pet name before, let alone used the word ‘daddy’ anywhere near him. You’ve always been a shy little bunny around him, always preciously out of reach, a tease to fantasize about, but now you’re wrapped around him, moaning beautifully destructive words. 

What really surprises him is the way he’s eagerly throbbing inside of you from that word. Desperate thoughts float in his mind: She wants me to take care of her, she needs me.

“Fuck me.” He groans to himself, willing his body to hold back from cumming inside of you right then and there. 

“P-please.” You beg with a broken voice, thinking he’s talking to you. Jake just nods understandingly and holds you closer with an arm wrapped around your torso, wanting to feel your whole body against his. He starts off slow, pressing up into your kneeling body with measured thrusts as he dots kisses along your neck and shoulders. You sigh something wistful before meeting his movements, eagerly lifting your hips against him. 

“God, bunny, you feel so good.” He can't help it, you’re all-encompassing like this, with your pretty little sighs and panted breaths, it’s everything he’s ever wanted, so he starts to speed up, projecting his desperation into his actions. Your back arches at the change of pace as he pumps into you, and it only makes him feel deeper. “So tight around me.” He pushes against your front wall on every thrust and you swear it makes you see stars. 

Your clit inevitably rubs against him as your bodies move with each other and it takes your pleasure to another level. You’re sure the sounds you’re making verge on embarrassing, but he seems to eat them up anyway. “Ah, right there--! Jake –”

“No, bunny,” He grits out, “It’s daddy.”

You whimper, “Daddy – ” He feels you flutter deliciously around him as your head begins to lull backward. He groans as your cunt sucks him deep inside, desperately milking his cock as you’re seized by ecstasy.

“Fucking take it, sweetheart.” 

“I-I think m’gonna…” Your eyes roll back before you can finish your sentence and white fills your vision. You let out a keening sound as you gush over him, thighs clenched around his as your second high moves through you. 

His eyes squeeze shut as he gives in and starts fucking you at a punishing pace. Your mouth drops open around an empty moan. You can only hold onto him as he takes what he wants from your body, intensifying your orgasm with sloppy thrusts. With a few more upward pushes, he lets out a breathy grunt and finishes inside of you, painting your walls with his warmth. 

You both stay in this position for a little longer. 

You can feel Jake’s heart beat rapidly against your chest as you cuddle against him. He’s still recovering from the onslaught of sensations and emotions. Both of you are sticky with sweat and slick, but neither of you care. His cock is still inside of you, keeping his cum locked inside as you dutifully warm him with your cunt. 

“Such a pretty girl…” He croons, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. He looks down at you with such sincerity in his eyes, that it’s almost overwhelming. You bite your lip nervously at the compliment and attempt to look away, but before you can, he’s tilting your face up with the light touch of a finger, “Really? You’re gonna act all shy with my cock still in you?”

His words only make you squirm on top of him. He nearly chokes at the accidental stimulation. 

“You can’t just say stuff like that.” Your voice is small and cute.

“Then how am I supposed to fluster my girl?” 

Your eyes widen. His girl? 

“Your girl?”

“My girl.” He hums with a small smile before placing a soft kiss on your lips.

[wis-art]

The worst period of my life was when I was a self hating teenager in denial about being transgender. I grew up in a deeply abusive household and my father expected me to be his manly son and I tried to conform despite it driving me insane, I fell down many nasty rabbitholes because of my insecurities rooted in deep hatred of my body and deep hatred of what I should be, I have always felt uneasy looking at men in cartoons and movies thinking to myself how much I don't want to become that, always envying the girls and always dreaming about waking up as a girl. This all lead me online because I felt so isolated from the world and I couldn't relate to anybody. Of course an unmedicated self hating teenager, with grand delusions about being god's little special soldier, seeking ANY validation is bound to fall into some horrible places, i am one of the victims of the alt right pipeline, and it did drive me into suicidal spirals many times over how much I hated myself for being transgender. Eventually I snapped out of it and grew out of it but the taste in my mouth of ever associating myself with that kind of community is really disgusting and never seems to wash off from my tongue, which I suppose is good since I never want to be back there mentally. I despise the right wingers, seeing and experiencing their beliefs first hand, it's all just driven by hate and insecurity, the only reason why it's so popular is because these people prey on lack of knowledge and insecurity of any kind, offering easy solutions and quick fixes, putting an easy target to direct your hate towards just to deflect the hate away from yourself. It is not a valid or real solution or even political ideology, it's a grift and a worldview sold to people who know their future is uncertain, it's harnessing the societal instability and crisis for political and financial gain, and I was a sucker for it in my teenage years for which I apologize. Nowadays I am unapologetically a leftist, with flaws and gaps in knowledge, like any other human on this earth but fundamentally different and changed from when I was a kid, and I am proud of myself and I am proud to be the bad transgender bitch that I am. It took so much effort, medicine, therapy, help from my family, help from my friends for me to realize that I was wrong and that I need to change. I did not do it alone. And I'm glad I did it, and I'm happy to ve fortunate enough to receive help and support despite being a toxic unpleasant person to be around. All so I can just be Wis in peace a weird transgender woman on the internet, drawing trans women who despise the fascists and nazis. It's also why I so deeply believe in people changing and why I am so adamantly against harassing people for their mistakes for years, it just doesn't help, all it does is makes one ashamed and all shame does is drive one further into the abyss of self hatred. As corny as it sounds love has saved me and it is love and patience that helps people change

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

the water heater

lilac, chapter three

a/n: ...don't ask me how late it got when i wrote this.... i was on a roll that day and time just turned into a weird soup.

summary: “Dad, please, for the love of god, just–,” you spun around, though the unexpected figure that stepped into the low light caused your fury to fade away in an instant, “oh, uh, you’re not–, uhm, h-hi.”

warnings: lumberjack!frank castle x reader, lumberjack AU, pete castiglione era, past domestic violence, crazy ex trope, slow burn, renovating an inn, totally inaccurate description of tinkering with a water heater just for the sake of making them fall in love

word count: 1137

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“Well, maybe if you just–”

“Dad! Just–…” you swallowed the rest of the heated statement that nearly escaped your lips, mentally counting to three before glaring back at the man who was breathing down your neck, “do you remember when I was 12 and you had the clever idea of attempting to install that new sink in room 5?”

Already knowing where this story was gonna go, Harvey quietly replied, “…yeah…”

“And just who, pray tell, fixed it after you made the pipes uncontrollably spurt out water, consequently flooding the entire room?”

“…you did…”

“That’s right,” you sucked on another tense breath before continuing, “so, unless you’ve somehow improved that skill since then, which, I’m sorry dad, but I highly doubt that you have, please, just let me handle it alone.”

“…alright, fine,” he ultimately backed off, nearing the basement stairs, “but I’ll be right up by the front desk if you need me.” 

“I won’t,” you called over your shoulder as you redirected your attention to the hopeless pipes, “but thanks.”

Letting the illuminated spot from the small flashlight clutched in your palm guide your vision, you checked each and every rusty tube. 

After too many pokes and prods, you finally found the source of the problem. Stepping over towards the main pipeline you bend down and reached through tickling cobwebs to turn the paint-chipped knob clockwise, shutting all of the water off.

Before your spine managed to straighten back out, you felt your blood begin to boil as you heard the sound of heavy footsteps once again ascending the crooked staircase.

“Dad, please, for the love of god, just–,” you spun around, though the unexpected figure that stepped into the low light caused your fury to fade away in an instant, “oh, uh, you’re not–, uhm, h-hi.”

“Hey,” Pete’s deep voice echoed throughout the dim space, sounding the way that hot chocolate felt. 

“Uh, not that I’m not thrilled to see you here, in my basement of all places, but, um, what are you–, what can I help you with?” 

“Nothing ma'am,” he took a step closer, “it’s what I can help you with.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, Harvey sent me down here to take a look at something.”

“Oh, did he now…” that was the last you needed in order to lose your patience.  

“Yeah,” Pete’s eyes tracked your form as you riffled through the open metal toolbox and yanked out a wrench. 

“Well,” you huffed as you began to loosen the various hexagon-shaped fittings snug on the pipes spiderwebbing out from the bulky water heater apparatus, the labour of the task presenting itself in your vexed voice, “you can tell my dad that I’m still just fine and don’t need any help!” the tool on your palm then inadvertently slammed against one of the pipes, the clanging and therapeutic blow snapping you enough out of your ire to take a step back. Squeezing your eyes shut a moment, you let out a deep sigh before parting your lips once more to speak, “I’m sorry, it was very kind of you to offer your help, but I’m okay.” 

Fully expecting him to just take off, his stationary stance caught you off guard, “so, the water heater’s acting up?”

“It’s fucking ancient, that’s what it is,” you replied as you returned to twist the remainder of the fittings, “should have updated it long ago, but no, no, that never happened,” you continued to grumble mostly to yourself at this point, “of course it’s much more fun to let me handle it down the line when the hot water outlet is completely rusted over and clogged up to the point of no return, you know, that’s just so much more fun…” your words then faded away as you attempted to turn a knob that in no way wanted to corporate.

Quietly cursing underneath your breath, you tried to put all your weight into it as you strained to turn the stuck fitting. 

But just then, from out of nowhere, you felt the wrench begin to turn, but that victory wasn’t the only thing you suddenly felt. Engulfing your own, the comparatively massive hand of Pete enveloped yours as if it wasn’t even there to begin with, helping you turn it as though the metal was made out of butter. 

Blinking up at him after it finally twisted completely, his intimidating stature seemed even more towering up close. 

“Uh,” you slipped your hand out from under his calloused palm, “thank you…”

“No, problem,” you promptly whirled around to avoid his piercing gaze, busying yourself by riffling through the toolbox without any purpose whatsoever, “so your old man’s not helping you out in renovating this place?”

“Well, he’s brilliant at a lot of things, but those skills in particular have never really been in his bailiwick–, wait…” you kept your back turned to him as you asked, “how do you know that I’m renovating?” 

“People in this town like to talk, a lot,” he breathed out the essence of a laugh, “and that includes your father.”

“Ah, okay…”

Spinning around once again, you kept your eyes steadfast on the dusty pipes, though after what only felt like a second, Pete unexpectedly proposed, “hey, what do you say I lend you a hand?”

“What?” 

“Well,” hands clasped together in front of him, the digits on one of them dug into the palm of the other as he spoke, “I’m no stranger to fixing things, so it might help make it fly by a bit faster than if you try and get through it all on your own.”

Unable to detect if this was just some strange joke or not, you verified, “I’m sorry, but are you legitimately offering me your help in renovating this place right now?”

“Yes.” 

“Seriously?” you bellowed a little louder than you’d intended, earning just a small nod from him in confirmation, “I–…” you blinked back at him, downright dumbfounded, “that’s incredibly generous of you, but I can’t really afford to hire you right now…”

“Oh, I’m not asking you to hire me, just let me help out a bit.”

“Pete, I can’t let you do that, not without any form of compensation.”

“Well, then just pay me in free coffee till it’s done,” he attempted to joke, though it didn’t manage to crack a smile on your lips. 

“This is not funny, Pete.”

“No, it’s not,” he continued, still in a startlingly light-hearted tone, “you clearly don’t know yet just much coffee I tend to drink on average every day,” seeing you not budge an inch, he then dropped the attempt with a gentle nod, “fine, how about we just take a look at a price at a later date? Decide on it later when it’s all done, and you start making a profit again?” 

© 2023 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[a-simple-imagine]

Help! My Girlfriend just Fell Down The Alt - Right Supe Supremist Pipeline pt.2

Requested by anonymous: “could you write a cate hurt/comfort where unlike andre's coward ass u actually fix her 🫶 pls and tyy”

Pairing: Cate Dunlap x fem!reader

Words: 1.3k+

A/N - turned this request into part 2 of my other cate story because i'm obsessed with the idea of cate dating an empath. you don’t have to read the first part

WARNINGS - mention of murder, death and blood

PREV //

it's a bright sunny day but the air is polluted with the rich taste of fear; a chaotic blend of fear and anger. you don't know what to do. where to go. you thought you left this behind when you ran. your head aches. heart hammering in your chest. all around you students and faculty scramble in search of safety. Bodies litter the ground. blood drowns the lush green grass. and you are powerless to stop it. useless. this school housed so many heroes but your powers were far from useful. you're almost frozen in time. this very spot on the godu campus, your newfound home. waiting. waiting for the inevitable moment someone notices and you end up just another casualty.

it's so hard to focus with the swirling emotions that invade your head. every inch of your body burned with other people's pain. everyone was feeling so much; too much. it hurt. it felt like your brain might explode. you kinda wish it would. but despite it all your eyes settle on familiar blonde hair. beautiful blue eyes stained deep red. Cate. you had left so abruptly. perhaps you should be more apprehensive right now. but you feel no ill intentions.

"h-hey," it's a pathetic murmur restrained by the pounding in your head. She was your girlfriend and you could hardly say a word. You're not even sure what you could say to rectify this. murdering dean Shetty was one thing. a sad attempt at vengeance. it was hard enough to ignore but this? this came across as insane. this was too much. you had told the others you would deal with Cate not because you actually thought you could help but because you were scared of what they would do. Cate was public enemy one on the campus today.

"I've been looking for you," there's a tenderness to her voice. a softness she reserved for you; especially right now. her emotions are hard to shift through when mixed with so many others. too many others. but a deep anger settles over you. you know it's not directed at you. it's fighting with a desire to have you understand her point of view.

"you have to stop this cate," if only it was that straightforward. if words were enough this wouldn't have happened. you wouldn't have to beg your girlfriend to stop her lethal rampage. even if she physically was not the one killing. it's a weird position to be in. one that fills your stomach with a bottomless darkness pit... or maybe that was just the scene before you. either way, you felt nauseated.

"we're actually getting somewhere," there was an overwhelming weariness to her voice. She was clearly exhausted; struggling to stand straight as she clarified her frustration. you knew well the toll her powers took. that pang of fear every time you've watched her overdo it. you wonder how many people she has pushed into doing her bidding. how much her brain must hurt. how much she needs to rest. even how many people are dying under her authority. "people need to know what was going on here. We aren't just lab rats for Vought- we deserve respect."

"I agree," a flicker of surprise almost sends the blonde tumbling to the ground. "we deserve respect but this isn't how to get it. just stop and we can- we can figure this out." it takes everything in you to risk a step closer. pinpointing her feelings amongst the rest. it was a hazy feeling; tingly almost. you couldn't quite decipher what belonged to who still.

"Why can't you see that this is the only way," she implores. "it's the only way they'll listen."

"it's not worth it Cate," you express. "you're hurting innocent people-"

"they're not innocent." she snarls. Red-hot anger bursts through your veins. your jaw tenses. fist clenched. "you heard what Shetty said. they think we're freaks. they hate us-" You don't want to think about Shetty; you couldn't. it was too much. too taxing. the blood. so much blood. so much bitterness. an unsteady breath pushes its way past your lips.

"you're hurting me, Cate," you bark; fuelled by Cate's fear. her emotions were taking over. driving you forward. "all these emotions- all this fear. my head is on fire. it's too much. I can't- I can't handle it."

"I'm sorry," she sighed, dragging her eyes away. almost like she was unable to bear looking at the suffering she was causing. "I know this is hard for you, I wish it didn't have to be but this is the only way. I'm protecting us. I'm protecting you." you didn't need to be a mind reader to know Cate's intentions. her misguided desire for retribution. more fuelled by revenge for how she has been treated than a will to help people. she's explained it all already.

"Cate..." her name slips tenderly from your lips; biting back her fire that's burning inside. "I don't need protecting. I just- I need you." your desperate now. desperate for the pain to stop. for Cate to give up this crazy crusade. you wanted to go back to how things were. you wanted to hold her hand as you walked across campus to class each morning. wanted to surprise her with a cupcake after a hard day. cuddle up in bed while you watch the cheesiest movie known to man just because she enjoyed it. you wanted normal. you deserved that. you all did. "we can figure this out. I promise we can- just give me a chance." you continue. "I don't wanna lose you." you know she's hesitant by the way her eyes flicker to you and then away again. searching for a reason to deny you. to push you away further. her anger was no longer a raging fire but a muted flame as your words settled over her. "please," expressed softly. "we can get through this together." she could read your mind. She must know you are being genuine.

"Okay," the blonde mumbles, finally meeting your gaze. such pretty eyes even stained with abuse of power. "yeah," she nods a little; holding out her hand. you pause. it would mark a sign of trust. She didn't have her glove which meant that there was a possibility this was just a trick. if you take her hand she could make you do whatever she wanted. she could push you into believing her philosophy. She could kill you if she wanted. surely she wouldn't though? your girlfriend had never used her powers on you. She used to be all about consent. but you also thought she wasn't capable of murder and look at how that turned out. she was probably in your head listening. could hear your doubt. you watch a sadness wash over her face as she retracts her peace offering and in a panic, you roughly grab her hand. it's unexpected even by you. but you couldn't give up on her. you loved Cate, you wanted to trust her. you needed to trust that she was still good.

"I trust you" blurted out loudly. drowning in her anger. in her pain and fear. it's all so much. your legs buckle and it takes significant effort to stay upright. there is a glimpse of something unexplained in her eyes. Cate was the most important person to you. you struggle to watch your paths diverge before you have a chance to tell her your feelings. She probably knew. there was no hiding with Cate. not anymore. but she couldn't hide from you either. you can feel everything. our emotions expose true intentions. and even amongst all the dread, there was a warmth radiating through now like the sun breaking through dark clouds. She held bright feelings for you. you could feel her passion radiating.

"you... trust me?" Cate asks. her voice quiet. unsure.

"I trust you," you give her hand a gentle squeeze. "I just wanna help you- let me help you."

her eyes search yours for a moment before arms are wrapped around your shoulders and Cate falls against you. you stumble back under the weight of her body; the weight of her emotions. but you still hold on tight. chasing that beautifully warm feeling. "just me and you."

"Always," whispered softly.

[magenta-embers]

My Jikook Journey

Part 2 of my intro.

From "multi-shipper" to "...wait a goddamn minute."

This will be a messy and detail-lacking overview because I could easily do an individual post on each thing I mention here and delve deeper (AMA!).

When I became an ARMY in 2018, I was excited about the treasure trove of fanfics now available to me. The ship didn't really matter, but my bias was/is Jimin (bias wrecker Tae then) so the very first fic I read was a vmin camping one (there was only one sleeping bag, gasp!). For me, shipping meant I'd read fanfics or save fanart of certain pairs together because in a fictional sense/in another universe, they make a good couple. I think this is a healthy approach, keeping that boundary between reality and fiction.

When I mentioned to my k-pop fan step-sister that I was reading vmin, she gave me a weird look. She said taekook is THE ship of BTS, which confused me because vmin seemed to be closer and have better chemistry than Tae and JK. Turns out, she was right. Searching by most kudos on ao3, you get a shit ton of taekook. I accepted it readily and just thought I must be missing something since I was a baby ARMY, so I read those super popular fics and started to enjoy taekook too. I started to focus more on them because... it felt like that was what I was supposed to do.

It's a common problem, isn't it? Baby ARMY who are open to shipping are quickly found and "guided" to taekook before they have a chance to glance in another direction. If they try, taekookers, who are the majority in the shipping sphere, will convince them that taekook is THE ship. Even if they aren't ARMY (my step-sister), they know that much. As a new fan, you just want to fit in, so you'll go along with what's most popular. Some people eventually find their own way, but many don't. Asking questions is vital, but if you do it aloud, you risk getting attacked by a small but extremely aggressive portion of the most infamous fanbase.

Even back then while just innocently reading any well-written fic I could get my hands on, I noticed that Jungkook was usually portrayed as a lot edgier and darker than he really was (manifested the 2023 JK aesthetic) and Taehyung was constantly portrayed as... Jimin. Especially in fan art. For some reason, a lot of the time, the appearance/vibe/personality of Taehyung was truer to Jimin than to himself, and that confused me. "Why not just make it Jungkook x Jimin?" I kept seeing them trying to force Taehyung into the dynamic that Jimin has with Jungkook when their own dynamic was perfectly fine.

Slipping down the pipeline, I started to watch taekook moments/analysis videos because I thought gotta be missing something, right? That's how I found out people are convinced they're dating, and it wasn't just a fun fic/art thing. The videos themselves were... something. There were just way too many red circles, too much slow-mo, and too much mind-reading going on for me to take any of it seriously. Plus, the moments that weren't exaggerated were just close friend skinship. Hell, Taejin were doing more sus shit together than taekook.

And yet people insist on taekook even when taekook do nothing to insist on themselves.

At this point, it was deep into 2019. Jikook were wilding in 2019. Even I was noticing all the... little things that made me raise an eyebrow. The touches that lingered just too long in rather intimate areas, the fond/awed looks at each other, the shameless flirting, the complete lack of physical boundaries, and the normalness of it all between them. That's telling. Even though I was mainly a taekooker with a shit ton of fanart and fics saved to my phone, if you looked at my liked YouTube videos around that time, I had jikook moments videos saved, not taekook, because their moments were just more fun/juicier to watch overall. They just interacted differently than they did with other members.

A quick example would be a video compilation of taekook holding hands. Sure, they're holding hands, maybe even interlocking fingers, but they're usually standing side by side and looking in different directions or just having a neutral expression. But if you watch a jikook one, not only is it much longer, but it's just different. I feel like I'm interrupting sometimes. Even in such a simple action like holding hands, there's a softness, an intimacy there that doesn't exist in taekook. Jikook wouldn't just be holding hands (usually for absolutely no reason), they'd be looking into each other's eyes, smiling sweetly, fully turned toward each other, attention completely captured by the other. How can I explain the look in their eyes? It just doesn't exist with vmin, yoonmin, jihope, etc.

Sidebar: All of those pairs have flirty/sus moments as most really close friendship dynamics do, but they're lighthearted to me and never invoked a true sense of.... whoa whoa whoa, hang on. If Jungkook and Jimin were my close friends IRL and I saw the way they are together, my alarms would go off. As either, "Oh my god, they're fucking," or "Oh my god, they wanna fuck each other." People always say, "Oh, Jimin's like that with everyone." No. No, he's not. Pay attention. Really pay attention to the differences in the dynamics between members. None of them have the "same" relationship. Especially pay attention to how the rest of the members react to Jikook.

Anyway,

So here I was noticing this... deeper intimacy in simple interactions with those two (because I'm a human being with eyes and life experience), and yet my Twitter timeline would just dismiss them entirely. "I love their friendship," "Wow their brotherhood is so beautiful," and "They're all so close," and normally these statements wouldn't bother me because technically they're true, but I started noticing that taekook or yoonmin would brush shoulders and everyone would be like, "Omg taekook/yoonmin married/boyfriends/real," over nothing. Their moments are cute/sweet/funny, but never more than that. The blatant hypocrisy did frustrate me a little, but ultimately I didn't overthink it; I didn't want to be delulu or look too deeply into anything because I still thought I must be missing something. Taekook is the most popular for a reason, right? Right?

But Taekook died for me when Tae told Taekookers to get out of their imagination. I respected that from him and took it at face value. It was the most aggressive shutdown of shipping we've ever had. I couldn't brush him off. It's disrespectful. He's uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, over the next couple of years, Jungkook and Jimin only got more suspicious in the minor interactions and in the big staple moments. Rosebowl. Hickeygate. Etc. Everyone was bending over backward trying to explain away the things these two did with each other, and it's always the same excuses. I was also trying extremely hard to think of any reason other than the simplest one because I didn't want to be delulu.

Because there was no way two members of a boyband were actually in a long-term relationship together. Especially in a conservative country.

Ridiculous. Unrealistic. Delulu.

I was basically telling myself in a mirror that they were just extra super duper close friends with muddy boundaries that meant sucking ears and giving neck hickeys was okay. I did allow there to be the thought that, maybe they're friends with benefits and that unavoidable intimacy now bleeds through into their regular interactions.

That opinion carried until 2023.

Isn't that funny?

2023.

The year so many jikookers gave up and bemoaned that those two weren't close anymore or had broken up is the year that finally convinced me.

What tipped me over?

Jungkook's vlives.

The way he kept watching videos of Jimin when he could just phone him. It reminded me of me watching Jimin, but I'm just a fan; I watch those videos because it's the only way I can appease my yearning to be close to and connected to Jimin, and absorb everything that he does or says or is.

Jungkook doesn't have that limitation, so why's he sitting there like a lovesick puppy with the fondest/most loving eyes when he could have Jimin over with just a call? Why's he sitting there looking like he's also yearning for something he can't have like us, the fans, when he can have it? He has Jimin's number. You don't need to watch yourself tease Jimin. You can just go do it. Just text him, bro.

It felt like he just wanted to bask in Jimin without interruption, without distraction, without having to force his attention elsewhere. Beyond being incredibly sweet, it also felt like Jungkook was making a statement, a point, because he kept doing it. Why? Is he somehow obsessed with his friend and bandmate whom he's seen almost every day for over a decade? If it was to promote him, he really didn't have to do all that? He didn't do it for the others, not to that extent.

Watching Jimin, talking about Jimin, singing Jimin's songs, fkn playing Letter on guitar. (The naked vlive flirting session? Lord, what.)

The man kept having vlives with a significant Jimin focus. He insisted on it enough times that it felt like he was trying to slap some sense into me. His insistence bothered me enough for me to finally do a deep dive into jikook.

Down the rabbit hole, I went. The more I learned, the more my jaw dropped. Where the fuck was all this info on my timeline when these motherfuckers were celebrating the most basic kpop boy interactions as if they were wedding vows? I even ended up seeing pictures/info we as fans were never meant to see at the bottom of that hole. If you know, you know.

Eventually, I ended up on this video (bless this fucking channel).

I want everyone to understand that I had zero knowledge of established relationship timeline theories. I went into this video blind, just trying to find the point in time when JK started to warm up to Jimin. That's not what I found. I found something so much better.

Especially 2013-2015 had me in awe. I think I cried. Jimin and Jungkook had a fattest, cutest mutual crush on each other. Absolutely. And because they were young, not that famous, and still rookies with media and camera training, we get a lot of insight into those two that we wouldn't get in later years when they learned how to mask and behave more "idol"-like. Jimin was especially loud, almost sadly loud. If you haven't watched the timeline of at least those early years, I implore you to. It actually blew my mind and broke/healed my heart. It's really bittersweet to see two teenage boys with little to no experience in anything romantic trying to come to terms with themselves while also coming to terms with each other. It's like watching a coming-of-age romance movie.

I saw clear shifts from when the relationship hit turning points in certain years. I proposed a timeline in my head based on that. Imagine my fucking surprise when I found out other people have also come up with timelines, and more surprising yet, they were all unbelievably similar to mine, down to what changed in what half of the year. I, who had no previous knowledge that this was even a thing. I just noticed it all on my own. We were all seeing the same thing. The same changes. No red circles, no slow-mo, no mind reading. It's all in the body language.

I panicked a little because overall it seemed too good to be true, so I reached out to a taekooker friend to send me her best evidence videos and receipts because I just had to make sure I wasn't going totally delulu here. I needed to see that the other biggest ship had interactions and moments on the same level with that same consistency, maybe even their very own relationship timeline to bring me back down to Earth. But... there's nothing. Really, there's nothing between taekook. Not one moment where I was like, oh? You'll find hours-long jikook content videos that are absolutely jam-packed with content, significant content, but that sort of depth just doesn't exist for taekook. Instead, you get conspiracy theories.

I watched most of the videos on that best of jikook channel and several other staple channels. It wasn't as if I bought into everything presented. I still rolled my eyes at many things that were blown out of proportion by some creators, and jikook isn't free from red circles and slow-mo and bullshit. And yet, I was still overwhelmed by the mountain of crisp receipts dumped on my head.

Jikook have much, much more solid evidence supporting the theory that they are together than evidence against it. I took the facts as they are, took my social experiences for what they are, took my psychology background for what it is, and concluded that they are most likely together, probability-wise. At the very least, they are the ONLY pair in BTS that have ANY legitimate possibility of being romantically involved. If jikook isn't real, then none of the other ships have any hope whatsoever, let's not kid ourselves. It's them or none of them.

They also have much, much more evidence that they are together than with any random man or woman you wanna throw at them. There needs to be valuable evidence or a total shutdown for me to tip the scale. I'm going to need Jimin or Jungkook to state, "I am not dating anyone at all," or "Get out of your imagination," or a bighit relationship announcement, or a clear video of lip-on-lip action or very intimate interaction with someone else.

Frankly, I don't give a single fuck about a grainy pic/video when it's 2023 and there's no excuse for that. I don't give a fuck who owns the same vase or cooking pots. I don't give a fuck if either of them hugged a woman. These are not evidence. These aren't even as good as the worst Jikook evidence.

At this point in time, Jikook is still the only viable option with the information we currently have available to us. This is my opinion and I stand by it.

At the end of the day, the thing I want most is for Jimin to be happy. Currently, it seems that Jungkook makes Jimin the happiest (as Jungkook says). As long as that holds true, I'll be here. If that changes at some point in time, I'd accept it.

But until that day comes, what the fuck else am I supposed to think?

E.

[valyrfia]

i mean if i could be honest what's so bad about lestappen going mainstream? if it's a way to bring in new fans to the sport so be it

Is this how Cassandra felt at Troy.

I can break down how RPF breaches containment beyond repair in five simple stages:

The ship leaves tumblr/ao3/other locked sites and emerges in a big way on more mainstream social media with aggressive algorithms

The people or the social media teams notice that this certain pairing brings in more engagement so happily plays into it

This in turn makes people more comfortable with the RPF, since the people involved are playing into it. It becomes somewhat normalised online, fanfiction is shared around/goes viral on mainstream social media

This normalisation online starts to bleed into public spaces where people start to do really bizarre things related to the ship, such as asking invasive questions to the people involved, bringing weird or embarrassing signs or t-shirts, etc.

The people involved, realising what they have done, start to try and either monitor themselves or shut down the ship completely. This is where the conspiracy pipeline of secret relationships starts and the dynamic between those two people is ruined for everybody involved

Now with Lestappen we're currently in late stage 2/early stage 3, make of that what you will.

[rabbitechoes]

first week of september!! fall is drawing near!!! there were some pretty cool tracks that dropped this week, two in particular that are on the shortlist for some of my favorites of the year. 2024 is drawing closer to the end, but this continues to shape up to be one of the best years for music in recent memory. In other words, NEW PHIL ELVERUM MOUNT EERIE ALBUM WOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO YEAH YEA H YEAH YEAH!!!!!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

"Made Out of Memory" - Nilüfer Yanya

◇ released: Sept. 2, 2024 ◇ featured on My Method Actor (not yet released) ◇ genres: indietronica, alt-pop

Starting to sound like a broken record, but this new Nilüfer Yanya single is very solid. We're only a few weeks out from My Method Actor, but it's shaping up to be one of the most promising releases of the year. I love the subtlety she implements into these songs. Everything is given just the right amount of attention. The guitars on this track are buried, but crawl to the surface at the most opportune moment. Her vocals are also gorgeous, as are her melodies. Really good cut here, can't wait to dive into the full record.

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"Broom of Wind" | "I Walk" - Mount Eerie

◇ released: Sept. 3, 2024 ◇ featured on Night Palace (not yet released) ◇ genres: singer-songwriter, indie folk, slacker rock, post-rock

4 years after the biographical meditation of Microphones in 2020, the highly prolific singer-songwriter Phil Elverum is returning in November with a new record under the Mount Eerie name. This announcement was accompanied by these two brilliant singles, the brief jaunty "Broom of Wind" and the weird atmospheric "I Walk." As a massive fan of Elverum's work, these songs were exactly what I could've hoped for - especially the latter. Spacey yet organic atmospheric sounds held together very loosely. Everything feels free-flowing. The traditional rules of song-structuring are construed in subtle, yet effective ways. His lyricism, as always, is just amazing. He makes you feel so much, deep in your core, even when he's crooning what seem to be abstractions.

In the press-release for this record, Night Palace is referred to as a spiritual successor to The Glow Pt. 2 - arguably Phil's magnum opus and one of the greatest records of all time - it also states that "These are songs of re-surrendering to a state of wonder and abandoning the wrung-dry skepticism that this hard world can impose." It doesn't seem like a cheap way to get fans re-invested, he has no reason to do that. If you're a fan of Elverum's music, you're most likely locked in for whatever he has coming down the pipeline. This genuinely, like his previous record, feels like treading old ground with more experience this time around in order to reinvigorate the creative process. Anyway, I'll try to save my ramblings for when I can dive into the full record, but this is firmly my new most anticipated album of the year.

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"th1 [evnslower]" - Aphex Twin

◇ released: Sept. 4, 2024 ◇ featured on Selected Ambient Works Volume II Expanded Edition (not yet released) ◇ genres: dark ambient, drone, space ambient

Another track from the Aphex Twin archives has been officially released leading up to the deluxe edition of Selected Ambient Works Volume II. More savvy Richard D. James heads will probably know much more about this track than I, maybe it was leaked through a big Soundcloud dump or found in a trashcan behind his house. Whatever the case, this is pretty great. Very ominous ambient piece that sounds like it would fit on the soundtrack to a horror film set in space. It feels claustrophobic in a way, unlike the previous single "#19" which felt very peaceful and optimistic. "th1 [evnslower]" puts you on edge, makes you feel like there might be something looming just around the corner.

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"Magic I Want U" | "How to Teleport" - Jane Remover

◇ released: Sept. 4, 2024 ◇ genres: glitch pop, alternative r&b, breakbeat

Jane Remover is back again with another set of seemingly standalone tracks. Like the other two tracks that dropped a little bit ago, they're a bit of a departure from her last album - which is honestly a bit refreshing. I enjoyed that record a decent amount, but there's a bite to these songs that's irresistible. The star here is "Magic I Want U" with its hard-hitting production and tight melodies that just sound absolutely exhilarating. "How to Teleport" isn't bad either, it's got a ton of cool sounds. These new Jane Remover tracks are some of my favorites of hers and although these aren't attached to a new project, I really hope she pushes some of these ideas further in the future.

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"We Will Rock You (Megan Thee Stallion Version)" | "Neva Play" - Megan Thee Stallion

◇ released: Sept. 5, 2024 | Sept. 6, 2024 ◇ genres: southern hip hop, trap, pop rap, drift phonk

Big week for Megan Thee Stallion fans it seems! First, with the bizarre collaboration with Queen for a remix of sports stadium staple "We Will Rock You" ... it's fine. A bit gaudy and awkward, but I don't hate it. The next day she released "Neva Play" with RM of BTS, which is a bit better, but not particularly amazing either. I think it's the beat more than anything. I don't want to hear Megan over a phonk beat in all honesty. Neither Megan's or RM's verse stood out to me either. Oh well!

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"For Sure" - Ethel Cain

◇ released: Sept. 5, 2024 ◇ featured on American Football (Covers) (not yet released) ◇ genres: slowcore, dream pop, post-rock

Following Iron and Wine's indie folk reimagining of "Never Meant," Ethel Cain is the next to contribute to the new American Football covers album with her version of "For Sure." I definitely appreciate what she does with this one. The slow-burning, super lush sound just lulls you into a trance all the way until the big climax in the middle. I didn't have high hopes for this covers project - although I'm mostly just butthurt because I thought American Football were teasing NEW music instead of an anniversary celebration of their first LP, but I digress. This is a really great cover and I'm a bit more excited to hear what the rest of this project has in store.

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"Unt" - Pinhead Gunpower

◇ released: Sept. 5, 2024 ◇ featured on Unt (not yet released) ◇ genres: punk rock, pop punk, power pop

Green Day side-project Pinhead Gunpowder are back with their first new song in 16 years. It's a bit of a snoozefest to be honest. Billie Joe Armstrong has settled into his ways as a vocalist and everything he sings has this level of cleanness to it which is a bit unbecoming of a punk record. It sounds a bit rougher than what you would expect from Green Day proper, but it still just feels a bit toothless. Not doing much for me instrumentally either.

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"The Emptiness Machine" - Linkin Park

◇ released: Sept. 5, 2024 ◇ featured on From Zero (not yet released) ◇ genres: alternative rock, alternative metal, post-hardcore

Linkin Park are returning years after the unfortunate passing of former frontman Chester Bennington, but this time with a new vocalist Emily Armstrong - who definitely doesn't have ANY baggage whatsoever! Truth be told, I've never been a big Linkin Park fan and unfortunately that remains to be the case with this new single. It just feels way too drenched in dramatics to the point where it feels a bit sterile to me. Armstrong's verses were fine, albeit a bit generic. Yeah, I just don't think this is for me. To longtime fans of the band, I hope you guys like this!

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"Ego" - Halsey

◇ released: Sept. 6, 2024 ◇ featured on The Great Impersonator (not yet released) ◇ genres: pop rock, alternative rock, pop punk, power pop

Halsey is releasing her new fifth studio album soon, which will feature all of her singles over the past few months as well as this new one "Ego." I don't dislike this song or anything, but I'm not seeing the picture she's painting here. I guess these new songs have been eclectic, but I fail to see how they'll coincide on a full-length project together. This is definitely a departure from the nostalgic alt-rock of "Lonely Is the Muse," instead leaning more into poppier sounds. Her songwriting is very personal and intense across these songs, but I worry that these constant flip-flopping between sounds will obscure that. We shall see.

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"ELEMENTS" - wolfears

◇ released: Sept. 6, 2024 ◇ genres: post-punk, funk, afrobeat

This groovy new single from wolfears is really sick. There's this palpable anxiety to it that makes everything feel exciting. Everything is in constant motion. The grooves are prickly, never allowing you to settle into them. Their vocals sound like they're reciting mantras and chants which adds to the uneasiness. It's a good feeling of unease though. Her musicianship is pretty impeccable on this cut too as she handles every bit of instrumentation here. I could've been fooled into thinking this was the work of a full band. Overall, "ELEMENTS" is a really solid track and if you're a fan of either the Talking Heads or Fela Kuti - hopefully you're fans of both - give this a listen!

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"Ruby Rosary" - A$AP Rocky feat. J. Cole

◇ released: Sept. 6, 2024 ◇ featured on DON'T BE DUMB (not yet released) ◇ genres: jazz rap, east coast hip hop, cloud rap

A$AP Rocky has released the third single leading up to his new record DON'T BE DUMB. This is a really good track, I'm loving the jazz rap production a lot. Rocky's verses continue to wow me during this rollout, more than they have in some time. They're not the most impressive, but they're undeniably smooth as hell. He's bringing some confidence into this one. Even J. Cole's verse wasn't that bad, he needed a verse that was at the very least good after "Grippy" and his rough MIGHT DELETE LATER tape. Yeah, I'm loving this. This is shaping up to be a really promising project, hopefully we get a concrete release date in the coming weeks.

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[no-nic]

fascinated by both rin's role in the momo pig au (manipulating her is always funny because she is so easily played if you know what you're doing. but do they? i'd argue that if anyone at least kind of figured some stuff out it'd be them...) and by everything about the rei and tobi au. the way kabuto is being used there + the themes of one person being unable to meaningfully change an entire entrtched system are sooooo compelling. also isobu liking icha icha is SUCH an idea im a big fan. if im interpreting the posts correctly kakashi also shows up at some point as sukea? how is team minato's relationship in that au? how is her unsuccessful suicide attempt being perceived? is she as interested in changing things or is that mostly obito's thing? how IS obito coping? he seems more hinged than in the canon timeline, but i'd imagine theres still a LOT going on in his head. do the akatsuki (og group) play into the au at all? it's all just very interesting to me your aus are always so fun.

oh no i have several pages written. incoherently

imagine me cackling like a witch who is explaining what exactly goes into their weird potions

q: what is rin doing in momo pig au? a1: she is being Observed & Guided. she is reduced to an instrument of murder, even more than in the usual shinobi way a2: her best

q: what is rei and tobi au about? a1: it's a deeply silly exploration of the world and characters. any moon alien plot is cut short (if it even existed and zetsu wasn't literally madara's hatechild) and anything approaching a "fix-it" is incidental a2: people going through horrors but still Having Hope. there being no fixing the whole world but them Trying Anyway. refusal of the shinobi system but not by Tearing Everything Down a3: rin & obito's runaway-to-vigilante pipeline a4: uchiha mikoto's jonin rank a5: neji's new stepfather

q: is sukea there? a: it's kakashi's go-to mask! everyone is wearing a literal mask (except kakashi's face is finally somewhat bare)!

q: how is team minato doing? a: minato is dead. kakashi thinks everyone is dead. rin & obito had a horrible reunion. rin thought she was dead and kamui was a really weird afterlife. obito has one (1) hinge and she almost died in front of him. they are doing better now. there will be a team reunion eventually.

q: what do obito and rin want to do now? a1: live! like people! a2: obito is having flashes of guilt over "abandoning" kakashi, but kakashi at least has the village (or so it seems). obito was weaponized by zetsu/hashirama cells, that whole put-sanbi-into-this-girl thing was some kind of set-up, and now rin is describing how the cursed seal on her heart felt and he is pretty sure madara didn't have his best interests in mind and he is spiralling and nobody is safe except the girl who was to be sacrificed again and again a3: obito wants to become a farmer a4: rin remembers the fear and the compulsion to return to konoha and the desperation to get rid of the parasite on her mind (her heart). she has a tailed beast in her, her chakra control is shot so she can't even do her medic job, and if she returns to konoha (flashbacks at the very thought) and isobu promises not to burst out they might just use her as a guided bomb too. or there might be some political angle to "give" her to kiri. she doesn't know but obito is here and he went through hell and he is still smiling at her. a5: rin isn't opposed to farming

q: what is kakashi's reaction to chidoriing rin? a1: the usual reaction to traumatic-moment-imprinted-into-your-brain-through-a-magical-eye :) a2: he is pretty sure she is dead. when he woke up, there was general carnage (obito mokuton'd all over those guys) but no body. "sometimes i can still hear obito and rin," he admits, "like right now, they are arguing over a vegetable garden. i guess the pure lands have those." cut to kamui dimension: there is in fact a passionate discussion over nutrients in mokuton-grown plants. rin is winning

q: who gave isobu icha icha? a1: rin says it's obito's fault because he bought it a2: obito says he's not the one who used it to teach the turtle to read, so don't you dare blame him. isobu is glad to have friends who don't see him as just "a battle monster"; even if his main part is stuck in a seal at the moment. and now he knows even more about the world and human relationships!

q: are the akatsuki still a thing? a: they are probably the original ame rebel group. they get money from running a publishing company (started as an anti-hanzo samizdat project, grew into a bigger thing). i guess jiraiya-sensei was good for something after all

q: who is kabuto working for? a: yes

[fleshengine]

Woah you look really good on your tummy Tuesday post, how long have you been on HRT and when did you start if it's okay to ask? :0

:P that's a lil personal but I'll talk about it, my story's kind of unique so I think people should hear it. Also this was originally just one giant block of brain-dump text but I decided to split it up a lil, you're welcome.

I've been really trans since I was a kid. Like my sister used to dress me up in her clothes and princess outfits and stuff and parade me around while calling me a feminine version of my name. Which sounds like bullying but like I loved it, so... I also did the classic "play a game and make your player character a girl" thing that a lot of transfems do. I played Halo Reach with my dad (love him btw) and would make my custom Noble Six a woman. There was a bunch of other little things like that, but you get the gist. I also used to pretend to be a girl and got groomed on omegle but that's a different story.

So I came out when I was like 13 or something and my parents were that kind of supportive where they use your pronouns but want you to wait a year before getting on hormones. So I think I was like 14-15ish when I finally got on E (because when we started it then took a while to get on it horray for fucking bone scans). In the time between I came out and finally got a histreline implant and E my voice dropped a ton and my shoulders filled out and I grew a fucken adam's apple. I was on sublingual pills for a couple months but they sort of gave me massive mood swings and I turned into a giant bitch so my parents and I decided I should switch to patches.

Pills gave me a decent amount of breast growth and it was pretty awesome but patches slowed that down. (I didn't really notice at the time but nerve remapping also happened and now my dick doesn't work right lol.) It's probably something with my skin or whatever, but patches just did not work for me and while I was on them I saw very very little development. It didn't help that they were an absolute pain in the ass, would get sticky and leave gunk on me and also come off in the shower sometimes. I've heard they work for some people but they were not the right fit for me. It doesn't help that during that time I started to struggle a lot with internalized transmisogyny and also a sort of... trauma based aversion to femininity?

So I made the kind of stupid decision to just... quit E and detransition to be nonbinary. No hate to people who detransition, or enbies, it was just me being a dumb kid again. Thing was I still had a histreline implant in me keeping me from producing T, and I actually got it replaced during this time, so I just had no growth hormone in me. I was Very Androgynous and it was pretty cool to ask people what they thought my agab was. When I met my current roomy and his partner apparently they had an argument where they disagreed on my agab. Which tickled me pink when I learned about it months later. Anyway it really should've been a hint to me that it always pleased me immensely when people thought I was born a girl. Like... I'm genuinely impressed at how unperceptive younger me was about that. You poor little idiot, you like it when people pick up on your feminine traits, go back on E.

It wasn't until the last bit of my second year of college that I started using they/she, I had finally gotten a group of Very Queer friends who supported me and I guess I felt that experimentation would be okay. I also ummm... started being active here on tumblr? Surrounding myself with weird transfems helped me feel more normal about being a weird transfem. So like... thanks girlies :). From there it was a pretty quick pipeline from they/she to she/they to she/her to she/they/it. Honestly the it thing didn't really start as a trans thing, I had a dnd character (that I later realized was a Identity Crisis Character) that went by it/its exclusively and my dm started using it with me outside of dnd and my brain liked it.

Anyway, after some quick phone calls and blood tests and bullshit I got back on E in December of 2023 and I've been on since then. I'm doing injections now and even though they're a little scary I really like them. Oh I also got my histreline implant taken out and I'm on spironolactone now which is fun. Maybe it's because I'm an adult but I find the mood swings lessened as well as the headaches. I've also noticed a decent amount of growth since I started as well as more nerve remapping and I finally have those puffy nips everyone talks about all the time. Currently I think most of the growth is going to making my tits wider as opposed to adding depth, which is fine with me. I really want to get on progesterone so they can grow nice and big, but my old doc said it was a bad idea and we should wait for the early structuring to finish because starting prog too early can cause nip deformities. My new doc has no comment because I haven't talked to her yet lmao.

Anyway that's where I am rn. Got my E raised again a couple weeks ago >:) Thanks for asking, sorry if this is rambly. My journey of self discovery had an entire death and rebirth like I'm a hero or some shit.

[dyke-dyke-goose]

What has your (queer) journey been like as a Black butch/dyke, if you'd like to talk about it? I'm curious :)

Thank you for this question! I don’t think I’ve ever really taking about my coming out journey or anything on here.

In terms of understanding my sexuality, I honestly did not know I was queer until I was maybe 13. I feel fortunate that I wasn’t in an environment where people were really talking negatively about being gay. It was always just a “thing” that some people were. A friend came out to me and I was like “maybe am bi?” And that’s the identity I stuck with till I was maybe about 16/17. But during that time I would say my attraction to men and women was a 90/10 split. I was always crushing on unattainable men (celebrities, boys who never liked me back, men who were like 30 years older than me).

I wasn’t out, so I was mainly swiping on guys on dating apps, and it was the most demeaning and emotionally exhausting thing I have ever experienced. I would rather get my heart broken by woman A MILLION times over, then ever go through dating a cishet man again hahaha. Being seen as only a sexual object for their pleasure, having my race used as a sexual opening line, having to beg for attention and respect. Not cute.

But when I had gotten to university, my world totally expanded. I met so many different people with different identities and it felt normal to be myself. I had so many crushes on girls those first couple years, so I gotten quite comfortable in my sexuality internally but expressing that outward was a different story.

As I got older, I was aware of the world becoming more hostile towards queer people, politics had kind of frayed my relationship with my parents; the thought of coming out and being open scared the shit out of me. But I eventually did come out (it was during a fight) and I feel like my life kinda changed from there.

I dated one cishet man and it was truly awful (we’re friends now so I can say that) and from that point I was like “why am I putting myself through this?? Why am I giving my time and attention to people I don’t even really like?”. And so I started dating women and other trans people and have not stopped since.

There was a lot of internal work I had to do, I had so many negative feelings towards my sexuality that I didn’t really know were there. And once I had started to do that work and realized that all these concepts and labels are made up, that’s when I started questioning my gender.

My relationship to masculinity has always been quite complicated, especially growing up as a little black girl. One of my first memories of elementary school was I had taken my braids out and wore my natural hair to school, and was told that I looked like a boy. And I think that really stuck with me all the way through my teenage years. It was this constant feeling of not being enough.

No matter how much make up I wore, how long my braids were, how my clothes fit my body; it was never going to be enough. I am adopted, so the people surrounding me were all white, and I felt myself trying to attach myself to a beauty standard that was not meant for me and was NEVER going to include me.

It got a point in my early 20’s when I said fuck it! I could look like Beyoncé and I would still have ignorant people telling me I looked like a man, so I might as well live the way I wanna live. I fell down the she/her - she/they - they/she - they/them pipeline hahaha. I dyed my hair a bunch of fun colors, wore weird makeup and ended up shaving my head and now we’re here. I’m excited to see where my journey will continue to take me as I grow older.

And if you are a black dyke, stud, femme, butch or WHATEVER, do not let ignorant people stop you from being who you know you are supposed to be🤎

[sunsetforestzone]

hey, congrats on learning! takes guts to admit that (and online as well). unsure if relevant/useful, but i have found good to just. remember that online discourse is like. online? and not "real"? not saying that you can just say shit to others due not being in person, but its like Oh you know I can just. Leave. Shut the PC for a little and Not Fight and. block i guess.

if not relevant or useful (due missing the point? happens to me sometimes) feel free to ignore and delete this lol

yeahh.. to expand a bit more on this: i kind of realized that there's. lets say a niche mean girl clique on this platform that, while a minority in the grand scheme of things, is very loud in their hatred of trans men. i believe there are groups in the trans community on here that genuinely have adapted radfeminist ideas within the trans community (that whole thing abt trans men not being trustworthy to speak for themselves/bomb that kills all transmascs... yeah, its bad) which has lead to a weird mix of misogyny ("tme/afab people" beint belittled for saying basically anything) and anti masculinity that has not been fun to watch

now i will say that i dont believe transfems/trans women are at fault for this, i think anyone and i truly mean ANYONE has the ability to be misogynistic (it came free with living in a misogynistic society), if cis women can be misogynistic so can trans women, etc. i dont believe in male socialization or anything like that, i think its actually stupidly easy for trans people to accidentally fall down misogynistic pipelines of any kind, i should know because its whats been happening to me

to put it bluntly i realized i had developed a prejudice towards the transfem community on this platform as a bit of a self defense mechanism for how hated, excluded and belittled i felt by the most popular trans girl bloggers on this site. like i said, i dont know if i changed my mind about anti-transmasculinity/transandrowhatever, i just feel like i had to re-examine how i went about talking about it, and specifically, the people who perpetuated it among the community

look. i fucked up, i didnt really post a lot of it because i was aware it was hateful, but i did develop unintentionally hateful beliefs. i made transfem people around me uncomfortable and for that i am truly truly sorry, and im aiming to get better about it in any way i can. im just as capable of being hateful as the people i criticized are, yk?

i do believe that it is truly just an online issue. i know that most people irl dont really give a shit or even know what "tme/tma" even means. we're all getting killed, we're all capable of having biases and prejudice. just like a lot transfem bloggers on here seem to have a weird prejudice towards transmascs, a lot of transmasc bloggers have a weird prejudice against transfems! to put it bluntly the current state of the trans community on this website Fucking Sucks

all that being said i feel pretty terrible that i let mean-spirited, hateful people on this website doing discourse about who is more oppressed and who has more privilege (as if that matters at all irl) let me develop an attitude of self defense and, yeah, prejudice towards trans women on this site. yk, not unlike the people currently in my blocklist, who are definitely in a similar position of letting mean-spirited hateful trans men develop a weird prejudice against them

none of us are extempt, neither am i. im really sorry for the hateful things ive said and thought, and to the trans girls in my life ive made uncomfortable. im learning as i go, i love yall. please tag your discourse posts.

[b4mpyre-k1zz3s]

Just a little request, just Male/Gn!reader cuddling Johnny while he’s wearing his black BigBrother hoodie? He just looks so cozy like if I saw him laying on the couch with that hoodie on- I am SNUGGLING that man </3😔

Sweet Respite

When Y/N comes home from a difficult week at work, he knows exactly what he needs.

Johnny Knoxville X Masc!Reader

(Fluff, Hurt/Comfort)

678 Words

Warnings: Suggestive content, mild crude language, stress

An: Aaaa this request was horribly self indulgent for me to write!! Thank you so much for requesting it!!!! My teeth nearly rotted out of my skull from how sweet it is XD All jokes aside, this is my first time writing a masc/male reader! I really hope i did well lol anyways do keep sending in those requests because I will keep working on them! I have a monster of a fic coming down the pipeline so keep an eye out for it!

Exhaustion gnawed at your sanity as you stumbled up the concrete steps of your apartment- that job was gonna kill you. It was Friday, and the week you just went through had taken a toll on you. Barely eating, barely sleeping- you were a zombie, shuffling through your routine. Your feet felt like you were wearing concrete shoes as you shuffled down the hallway, half nodding off while still walking. You leaned against the door as you opened it, tension welling up in your chest.

Oh, but all that drifted away when you saw him. Laying there on your couch was your boyfriend, his long legs outstretched with his heels propped up on the opposite arm of the couch, folding his hands behind his neck, his head tilted back just so slightly. Johnny cracked a slight smirk and glanced at you from under dark, half lidded eyes, his voice sweet but gravelly, “Mmnm. Hey, baby.” You looked back at him with a weak smile as you kicked off your shoes and took your coat off, throwing it on the back of a chair.

Seconds later, your face was buried into his chest, the knot in your stomach melting from the warmth of his abs against yours. The soft fabric of the hoodie Johnny was wearing, the one he stole from a back room full of unsold t-shirts before he left the Big Brother offices, felt so soft and comforting as you engulfed yourself in him. Initially a little surprised at your forwardness, his expression softened and his hand came to rest between your shoulder blades, his wide palm rubbing little circles on your tense back.

After watching you for a week, Johnny could tell something was wrong but didn’t want to prod too much and make you feel worse, instead focusing on making you feel comfortable in that moment. “You're alright, you’re alright.” His voice was low and laden with that southern accent he knew you loved as he cooed into your ear, a smirk creeping onto his face as he felt you relax under his fingers, “Yeah, atta boy…”

You went limp on top of his muscular body, your arms wrapping around his neck as you melted into him. Letting out a satisfied sigh, your eyes fell shut. The warm skin of his neck where you now nuzzled your face felt so nice against you as Johnny’s hand moved up to the back of your head, gently massaging the hair at the back of your scalp. “Mmm…y’smell nice.” He murmured to you, inhaling the scenes of your shampoo and leaving you unsure if you should find that weird or hot. You decided to air on the hot side for your sake.

And just as you were starting to relax, you felt Johnny suddenly jolt from under you, letting out a yelp. Your stomach jumped, initially catching you off guard and making you a little worried before he added, snickering, “Ahh! Your- your fuckin feet, man!” You had failed to realize that, while distracted by how nice and warm Johnny felt, your extremities were positively freezing. You felt a little guilty for a second, before realizing what a gift this was.

Grinning maniacally, you furiously rubbed your frozen feet against the area of bare, unprotected skin between where his dickies ended and his socks started. It was hilarious, watching your boyfriend giggle and squirm at you doing something as simple as rubbing your cold feet against him.

Stopping your rampage, you froze, stilling on top of him, “Oh- oh my god…Knoxville, are you…?” Yeah. Oh, yeah, he definitely was. All that giddiness was stopped in its tracks from a poorly timed hard-on, not that you were really complaining. He stuck his hands up in a plea for mercy, chuckling. Sighing, you collapsed on top of him in a mix of exhaustion and feigned defeat, “Now I’m gonna get a hard on- great job.” Johnny found your annoyance endearing, planting a kiss on your forehead with a giggle,

“Ah, well…guess we’ll just have to take care of that then.”

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

So, I usually read acotar on the bus and during class and then I come home and write these posts but I had a Certified Mental Health Moment and couldnt go for the entirety of last week and I didnt feel like reading during that time, so yeah

Anyway, Ive made it through chapter 30 I think (sry i forgor and i dont feel like taking the book out of my bag rn to check) so Ive just gotten to the point where Feyre arrived UTM through that weird interdimensional (?) shortcut and then a hand grabs her and then the chapter ends. That means Ive finally had my proper introduction to my literary mortal enemy, the man, the myth, the legend, Rhysand Nolastname, and also Feyre's sisters as actual characters instead of the weird caricatures they were previously

The stuff with Nesta and Elain is honestly baffling to me, like was there not an editor to suggest maybe adjusting those first few chapters when she decided to flesh them out more? One of the acotar critiques I watched before reading was this one by a podcast called Unresolved Textual Tension and one of the hosts kept remarking that sjm "couldnt go back to change things" in reference to her constant retconning of characters with very little elaboration, but like, why? First of all, I dont think thats literally true; to my knowledge (which is admittedly limited so feel free to correct me here) sjm had her start on fiction press with the first throne of glass book, posted serially chapter by chapter, which got really popular and was then traditionally published in 2012, but every book after that was always intended to be published as a whole work went through the whole traditional publishing pipeline with editors and whatnot. So the issues with ACOTAR cant come from it being a serialized story that wasnt properly planned out and then wasnt fixed up in editing, right? And the only other thing I can think of is that she just didnt have an editor (or atleast not a very thorough one) which, people say that a lot of her more recent work (CC series, ACOSF) feel unedited because of how they drag and how often the prose seems to repeat itself and by this point shes popular and influential enough that Im pretty willing to believe that, but was she that popular back in 2015 from TOG alone? Idk if anyone can tell me anything about this I would appreciate it

I already have a lot of thoughts about Rhysand (spoiler alert: none of them are positive) but I think I'll save those for when we get to Those Scenes UTM. For now, I just wanted to ask all the Feylin girlies who read this book before ACOMAF came out or who went into the series without spoilers: didnt it feel incredibly weird that Rhysands beautifulness was so emphasized when, as far as you were aware, Feyre and Tamlin were meant to be endgame? Like, I think Feylin is cute and all but Im not really too invested in it because I dont find either of them on their own or their dynamic together that interesting, but it still felt a little disrespectful if thats the right word. Like, I know love triangles are a Thing in YA and I know they tend to be incredibly clear-cut and its usually very obvious whos gonna get the girl from the getgo, but in those cases the protagonist generally has some kind of actual relationship with The Bad Boy to justify a weird attraction to an obviously dangerous guy, in ACOTAR Rhysand has talked to Feyre exactly one time and then he sent over a head on a spike and here she is, talking about how indescribably beautiful he is while hes making her friend and the man she will claim to love in the next chapter go down on their knees to beg for her safety. Idk man it just feels so weird

[theshippirate22]

Lyn's been doing this shit long enough that she should know better than to assume that if the day started out normally, it would end that way.

It had been a relatively typical day. She'd been yelled at by a mom who needed amox-clav for her son, and Lyn had to explain a whole three times that her son was allergic to penicillin and yes, amoxicillin was the same thing, and no, they couldn't give it to him anyway, and then by some guy that very obviously was growing physical dependence on his benzos that he was not allowed to pick up early.

Hunter and Rich had gotten into a mental-stimulation argument about why DC had gone so far downhill and how Marvel was about to follow the same pipeline, Caleb had showed Lyn all the pictures of his and Alissa's new puppies, Missy had explained the latest thing Kelly had done to piss her off, Hunter and Elijah had a competition to see who could drink a Monster faster (Hunter won), and Heather from the front came to tell everybody that Corporate was no closer to cracking down on the opioid thief.

So, yeah, it was pretty par for the course.

Hunter drank the protein shake he'd left open on the counter for a few hours and then got the audacity to complain about the taste, temperature, and texture while Lyn rolled her eyes and tried to count through the massive stack of leaflets left on the filling counter.

"I'm serious, taste it!"

"Gross!" She swatted him off. "I don't want your spitty drink! Why don't you do something helpful? Here," She pulled a leaflet from the pile and quickly tri-folded it before holding it out. "Go get me this from over the counter."

He snatched it from her. "You know we've got aspirin back here, right?"

"Yeah, I was just trying to keep you occupied for longer."

He laughed, drained the rest of the protein shake, and disappeared between the shelves to find it for her.

He got distracted talking to Caleb, who was crouched back there doing out-dates, which was fine with Lyn because it meant he would let her count in peace for a minute. He, of all people, should know how annoying it was when someone tried to talk to you while you were in the middle of counting to 90.

She managed to get through four whole fills- although one was a suspension she just had to slap a label on- before Hunter remembered he had a job and he was actively at it. He deposited the aspirin in a boat with the leaflet and slid it down the counter to her.

"Thanks," she murmured, concentrating hard to remember if she was at 25 or 30.

He decided to work through the prescriptions stuck in F1, tapping his deliberate rhythm on the Formica. Tap-tap tap tap-tap-tap.

That didn't bother Lyn. If anything, it was more helpful because it was familiar and not numerical, and helped her keep her focus. She slid fives with the beat of it, counting through a particularly staticky 180 that had to be done in three 60s so she didn't get lost.

That should've been the first sign something was wrong- the way Hunter got off beat with his own idiosyncrasy. She couldn't figure out why she suddenly couldn't count without extremely deliberate thought, until she watched the erratic movement of his hand and felt the new, complicated vibration of the rhythm.

Then he stopped, altogether, and squinted at the computer like it was taking conscious effort to procure a thought.

"Fuck," he mumbled, scrubbing his face beneath his glasses.

"You okay?"

It took him a second to answer. "Wh- uh, yeah. Just light-headed, all of a sudden. Low blood sugar or something."

"Weird, it's like you have to eat actual food, and not just a Monster and a handful of Lee's grapes."

He didn't laugh, or play along with it at all. "I'm... I'm gonna sit down," which was one way to describe the ungraceful fall that occurred as his legs went out and he slumped against the counter.

Lyn frowned. "Do you need some water?"

He looked up at her with glazed eyes, and muttered, "Catch my head..."

The next bit happened too fast to process. Lyn lurched forward at the same moment that he collapsed, which promptly knocked her down like a domino when she met the momentum of his dead weight. In an effort to catch both of them, she groped at the counter and managed to grab only a handful of amber bottles that instantly came loose and simply fell with her, clattering against the carpet.

"Help," Lyn called lamely.

Caleb looked around the shelves. "Is he okay?"

She looked helplessly at his head knocked against her stomach, glasses askew and gaped with her mouth open in some sort of shock.

Caleb came quickly, crouching down, and grabbing at Hunter's shoulder. "Hey. Hey, come on, wake up."

Missy turned from the drive-through window to grab a prescription from the bins, and caught sight of them. "What happened?"

"He just went down," Caleb answered quickly. "Hunter, dude, wake up."

Even with the shaking, Hunter didn't so much as stir.

"Hunter," Lyn echoed, manhandling his head. "Hunter, you're crushing me. Come on!"

Rich chuckled sort of nervously. "That's what he gets for drinking all those goddamn Monsters. He's put himself into cardiac arrest."

"He's probably just dehydrated," Caleb reasoned, seemingly for Lyn's sake more than his own. "He'll come to, just give him a second."

He did his best to wake him still, but Hunter remained absolutely dead to the world.

Lyn, not sure what possessed her to do it, felt along his neck. He didn't seem fainted. Usually when she fainted, she still had some vague perception of things happening around her and she usually woke up if someone shook her or called her name enough times. She rested her fingers on either side of his Adam's apple and felt carefully despite the pounding of her own pulse in her hands.

"Missy," she mumbled. "Come here."

Missy set down the phone and came over. "Still nothing?"

"Can you find his pulse?"

She cocked an eyebrow, but got down on her knees and felt the same spot on his neck. Finally, she said, "Rich, call an ambulance."

Caleb pulled her hand off and felt. "God, there's almost nothing. It's so slow."

Rich instantly dialed 911.

Lyn looked over Hunter's limp body. He didn't look like he was asleep- this was weirder. He was all clammy and sweaty- it was soaking through her scrubs- but he was so cold, and his lips had started to turn some weird blue-purple color against his ashen face.

"Hunter," she tried again, panic growing quickly. "Hunter, come on. Wake up, you're freaking me out."

Elijah peered around the counter. "He won't come to?"

"Something's wrong," Caleb decided suddenly, getting back to his feet and undoubtedly aching from the duration of his squat.

Rich was explaining everything to the dispatcher. The drive through chimed. Elijah's register chirped.

Lyn felt like she might join Hunter in unconsciousness. She wasn't breathing nearly deep enough and her whole body was shaking with the start of a panic attack. Still, she had enough mental grasp to figure out why the list of symptoms Missy was relaying to Rich sounded so familiar.

"Oh god," she gasped. "He's overdosing."

[zorphie]

Here I saw that you dropped this so I came into your inbox to return it to you 🖊️ (give me any precious OC you have in stock I wanna Know about them)

ty for the ask!! (eats 🖊 whole) everything is below :]

i shall talk about devin for 2day.. my token failboy. God

he's from earth Except it Sucks!! because he's ostracized a lot and has no friends💔 he will often come home and indulge himself in a bunch of his hobbies like drawing ,writing , making music, he's literally just the art kid. he was into a lot of fantasy and imagining himself in those kinds of worlds, doing lots of heroics , yeah you see where this is going . The irony

his only company is his mom which he doesn't mind too much, but it's led him to develop a very self centered attitude (he focused more on himself because he didn't have other people to empathize with if that makes sense?)mf never learned how to share

he ends up in the spiral because there was an urgent situation where mana was flooding into earth, quinn was sent to deal with it. he was worried that devin absorbed it because he could sense his magic and also wanted to save him because devin had some weird negative aura cast on him Somehow (effects include nausea and blurry vision, headaches to anyone nearby, fun all around) quinn was like What Is Going On, panicked, and took him along. worried about this decision later because what if the teachers flip . the plan was just to help devin and bring him back home (uhh very long groan. because this is wizard101 we all know the latter didn't happen)

coming into the spiral has changed devin a Lot for better and for worse. he felt guilty for leaving his mom behind, and she disappeared when he came back to visit. he was excited to learn magic but i think the realization settled in after he killed a man (malistaire)

as the arcs go on he has friends now! finally a circle of people who will accept him. he learns what empathy is because of that! hes still silly and loud but he becomes selfless, a bit more mature and level headed. but he feels like he's become "too selfless" to the point where he's going a little nuts ? always being self sacrificing just to save everyone if possible? the yw pipeline. he wishes he could settle down for A Minute to use his hands to create art again not destroy things . gwah.

just wait until he hears about azteca🙄

he learns his dad is the giant tree and his mom straight up stole him when he was like 3 or something and took him away . Crazy. he's conflicted by the fact that he's being shaped into a weapon by no matter who it is? his mom or the spiral? (his mom is a completely different can of worms I will not be getting to rnLOL but yeah she was just plotting to use him for selfish reasonz) he doesn't like knowing he was born for the sake of (all the horrors he's had to deal with. Erm?) and wants to have an identity seperate from that. his friends remind him that he's still just a human being too. he's doing his best

he delved more into astral magic around arc 3 which was not by choice. at all. (crazy woman told him to . idk why but ihave a lot of evil wizarfd women) and he should not have learned that much but he did! uhmwhoops. it's hazardous. it does not just enhance spells -he could accidentally fuck up time and space. he's learning how to control it with eden and lalin because he needs to eventually. does not actually go to the arcanum scholar about it because he's terrified of seeming like a threat to them

hypothetically he could time travel but that's for his super secret alternate version who's stuck in a time loop we don't worry about that guy

devin's other path would've been a villain if quinn never dragged him into the spiral,, he was missing and people were looking for him but it was near impossible to find him because of the aura he had going on. ambrose's spell wouldn't have worked. (his mom was taking a lot of precautions) it was just known that the scion was out there and he needs to get his ass in the spiral asap or we're all fucked (quinn standing there like 🧍‍♂️as if he isn't ambrose's errand boy)

devin's alternate self is aware of him and is supposed to show/answer "which life would've been better for him". since he's obviously not having a care free time in both

dasein kinda reached him around empyrea because of the astral magic stuff sorta fucking with reality but it was very limited

oh and his eyes turn from full purple to a tint of blue he's got stardust hands now. it's "contagious" and he can flick his hands onto anything and get glitter all over it, he does it a lot on his friends . his blood is also glitter. somebody help him. pros: glitter. Cons: black holes. is it worth it

he's trying to start a silly band.. only amari and erin will join nd they will never stop annoying the others about it

devin is good at the storm spells, but the machines related stuff that his teacher assigns? not at all.so he cheats and asks for eden to do it

his pet is a zappy glowbug who's always scared of everything and frequently flies into glass. it acts as his nightlight. it's also probably radioactive . it can charge your devices but they have a chance of exploding. has also probably electrocuted people